Oct 1, 2016

Sorry

Dear M

I am so sorry.
Sorry for feeling envious, sorry for feeling like it's a competition, sorry for everything you've had to go through to make me feel sorry.

You've had you're highs and you've had your lows. You deserve to announce and celebrate those highs. Be proud.

I have no right to feel what I have when you've shared happy news.
I have no right to despise what you have just because I don't have the nerve to get them myself.

You deserve your happy moments. Remember them during your lows.
And I am so sorry about those lows.

I can only try to imagine what you're going through, even then I'm sure it's just the tip of the iceberg.
I don't know what to say besides I'm sorry. And again I'm sorry something so horrible had to happen for me to get to this point.

I wish I could do something for you, but I know I can't.

I know that I can drop all negative feelings that you do not deserve. I can start treating you the same way you've treated me.
And I know I can start to try and give back to the world on your behalf.

Jul 14, 2016

I'm Single and Guess What? I LIKE IT!

I might get that title printed on a shirt. People don't seem to want to accept it.
And I'm getting to a point where I feel I need to be blunt about it.

I recently had a situation where I said something couldn't be done. I didn't say I couldn't do it, I wasn't asking for help, and even when I got the unwanted help it still wasn't possible.
Then, of course, frustrated with the uselessness of that help I went back and of course was able to figure it out myself.

This is basically me and relationships. It's not that I can't find anyone, I'm just not trying very hard. I'm not asking for help. I don't appreciate being asked if I have a preference in nationalities. I don't want to hear that I'm being picky when I say I have no interest in the younger guy they're telling me about, I don't want to meet random guys that just broke up with their girlfriends and I don't want to hear how my life is going to change with the guy someone picked out for me. (Someone once said that about a vegetarian changing my eating habits. No.)

Simply put: I'm NOT desperate for a boyfriend!
If anything people are getting desperate to find me one.

Nov 9, 2015

Senior Year: Afterwards

Part: 4 How Sad.
Part 3: It's All One Big Mood Swing
Part 2: Why Bother?
Part 1: Senior Year 2007 

This is the story of the first couple of months of my senior year in high school.
While definitely not a fascinating story, it's something that I would remember every September for years afterwards. Thankfully eight years later now it's all behind me and the only real reminder is that I am who I am today partially because of those few months.
My two main reasons for sharing this is because 1) It happened and 2) I've been wanting to share more of myself here.
This is going to be part journal entries from the time and part me now explaining everything (or at least trying to).

Oct 28, 2015

Senior Year: How Sad

Part 3: It's All One Big Mood Swing
Part 2: Why Bother?
Part 1: Senior Year 2007

This is the story of the first couple of months of my senior year in high school.
While definitely not a fascinating story, it's something that I would remember every September for years afterwards. Thankfully eight years later now it's all behind me and the only real reminder is that I am who I am today partially because of those few months.
My two main reasons for sharing this is because 1) It happened and 2) I've been wanting to share more of myself here.
This is going to be part journal entries from the time and part me now explaining everything (or at least trying to).